Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize