I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
