We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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