cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
