I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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