Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
