my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
did i walk over a car last night?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
