we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
