If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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