i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So many bounce houses so little time
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At least life still wants to fuck me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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