yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
