I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
