pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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