she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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