i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
