I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
