I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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