how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
