I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
