you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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