You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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