listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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