Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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