The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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