why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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