Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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