So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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