no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
