I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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