Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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