You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
