I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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