is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
