the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
