no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
