ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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