I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
