I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
