I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
