i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
