i jhust puked up my retainher.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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