Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
