3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
