We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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