yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
