i already hear my dad disowning me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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