So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
