No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
