I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize