I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
