Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
