No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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