Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
