I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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