The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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