i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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