help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
