There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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