Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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