Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
