If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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