Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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