I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
