Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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