I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
