32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have fence marks all over my body
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
