just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
