Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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