i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
is it fun? or sober?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
