WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
