Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
