good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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