I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
