In America we eat man semen.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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